The Awesome Power of Being a Student

In April of 2023, I had a deep, emotional conversation in the lobby of a karaoke bar in Las Vegas. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it would alter the trajectory of my life for the better.

In the middle of my own journey of self-discovery, I returned to the NAB show in Las Vegas and my “family” in the 3D motion design space. I’ve been on the sidelines for about a decade and a lot has changed in that world. Design tastes, techniques, software, people.. It’s not surprising, but the people changes have been the most challenging to understand.

A friend I’ve known since the 90s is at a crossroads. He built a business that changed the world of motion design and changed my life. A business so critical that it got absorbed into the mothership that it was built to serve. It’s a success story, but the changes that come with success are presenting him with choices and challenges he didn’t anticipate and he’s unsure of which path to take.

For almost 30 years he’s been “that guy” from “that company”. His personal and professional identity is tied up in the story of him being that guy from that company. It’s how everyone knows him.

In that Karaoke bar lobby with “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and half pronounced lyrics blaring in the background we arrived at a very important question that he is facing…

If I’m not that guy from that company, who am I?

What I didn’t realize at the time is that I couldn’t answer the question myself.

For the last year and change I’ve been trying to get motivated to dive back into the world of Cinema 4D and 3D motion design. A lot of folks know me as that guy who taught tons of people how to get stuff done with complicated tools. The guy with a lot of answers… the expert.

But every time I sat down to record a tutorial, I couldn’t get motivated. I couldn’t get into the right mindset, and I was starting to beat myself up. I had told myself a story that was holding me back.

The story I’d told myself was epic! The aging pro getting up off the sofa after a long absence and showing people that he still had “it”. How many movie montages have we seen where our hero reluctantly gets back into the game by doing a bunch of pushups and then showing everyone “how it’s done”?

That karaoke conversation helped me see my own story and understand what it was. I was using my pride in past accomplishments to dictate my future actions. I was falling back on Ego.

Hey, don’t be bad mouthing the Ego!

Oh, hi there Snarky Voice… I was wondering when you were gonna show up. I’ve been in a really good place for a while now and I wasn’t sure if you were still in there. It’s actually great to hear your voice!

Uhhhhhhh what?

Don’t worry Snarky Voice... Yes, you’re a manifestation of my own Ego, but I wouldn’t be who I am without you, so hear me out…

Growing up, I was a terrible student and my mom was usually the parent going to teacher conferences. I wasn’t in the room, but I can imagine how the conversations went…

“Your son is always looking out the window and doodling instead of taking notes. He seems like a bright young man, but he just doesn’t seem motivated or present in class.”

People I’ve worked with as an adult would probably find that assessment strange. I’m usually incredibly focused and present in group meetings or conversations, and I’m known for consistently following through on goals and getting shit done.

But what about all those Slurpee breaks and Margaritas??

Slurpees and Margaritas are a direct reflection of that “bright young man” staring out the window. They’re manifestations of the playful, fun loving dreamer inside me, and proof that the educational system didn’t completely destroy my inner child.

You know, Snarky… you’re a direct reflection of that kid too. I can’t pinpoint the day, but the Snarky Voice in My Head developed in those long, boring hours staring out the window and trying to just “get through” my awful time in school.

Uhhhh If you hated it so much, why are you going back to school!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! For the first time since June of 1989, I’m going back to school!!! In late September, I’m starting my first term at Animation Mentor. It’s an online school dedicated to teaching the craft of 3D character animation.

The difference is that I’m not going to school because my parents or the state told me to. I’m going back to learn something I’ve always wanted to do, but I never had the time or opportunity to get into. I am excited and terrified.

I’m excited because I grew up watching animation. Even with the occasional horrific racism, those good, early MGM and Looney Tunes cartoons captivated me as a kid. When the power of desktop computing began to transform the world, like millions of other people, I was captivated by Toy Story.

The idea that you could create animated fictional characters with the ability to convey complex emotions is amazing. Like learning to play a musical instrument, it is an expression of human creativity with the power to create meaningful connections to other people. Animation brings joyful energy into the world that our more connected than ever, yet more isolated than ever society is sorely lacking.

That does sound exciting, but what about the “terror”??

I’m terrified because ever since seeing the possibility of Toy Story, I’ve always wanted to bring characters to life, but I was stuck “paying the rent”. The challenges of earning a living kept me from pursuing that dream. Now though, I’ve said out loud to the Universe that this is a thing I’m going to do, and it’s time to shut the fuck up and do it LOL!!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a prideful person, and I take pride in being a person who gets shit done. It’s an enormous part of my personal identity. Now I have to hold myself accountable, and personal accountability is only second to entropy as the most terrifying force in the Universe.

Dayummm why’s everything always gotta come back to Entropy and shit??

Have you noticed how old we are Snarky? Barring some miracle that the 1% decide to share with humanity, you and I have way more days behind us than we have ahead. Nobody has ever “beaten” death or come back from the dead and we have a finite amount of time left.

It can be pretty scary, but most days I use that fear to motivate me. I have things I want to do before my time is up and there’s no time like the present because the future isn’t promised.

Uhhhhhhhhh that’s a pretty bleak outlook… Aren’t you supposed to be all positive and junk?

It’s true, I’m normally a pretty positive guy and calling out the ticking clock might seem like a “negative” way of looking at life. Not for me… Instead, acknowledging the limited time I have left and facing it head on allows me to truly recognize how precious that time is. It causes me to value my time more highly.

Seeing the clock has put me into a mindset that allows me to think about where it is I’m heading. Seeing the clock is about answering the question:

What do I NEED to do?

The ticking clock is why my karaoke conversation was so powerful. The story my friend was caught in helped me see the story I’d been telling myself. The story of the expert… that guy who knows that stuff.

Once I could see my own story, I started to understand why I couldn’t get motivated to record tutorials. I was falling back on past accomplishments. I wasn’t looking forward because I was afraid to answer the question…

If I’m not that guy who knows that stuff, who am I?

It’s a little embarrassing that I didn’t see it sooner. The answer is right there in my LinkedIn profile…

I’m a katamari ball of LEARNING…

I’m at my best, my happiest when I’m learning new stuff. Going back and revisiting old techniques to put into tutorials is not going to give me the kind of fulfillment that learning an entirely new set of skills would. Recording tutorials is a thing I CAN do, but it’s not what I NEED to do.

I have the unique privilege of having the time and resources to learn something I’ve always wanted to do from people who are doing it at an incredibly high level.

I need to NOT be the expert. I need to shut up and listen to people who know a lot more than I do. I need to be a student.

#empowerment #selfcare #reinvention #career #careerdevelopment #learning #motiondesign #3d #cinema4d #c4d #animation #animationmentor